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Friday, February 13, 2015

Portland, Oregon Bums Share 40s With Angel.

On February 12, a tall bearded old man, all dressed in white, made his ethereal presence known beneath the Burnside Bridge in downtown Portland, Oregon. 

Although food was scarce, four homeless men invited the stranger to share their sparse meal of a Bonus Jack, six relish packets and two 40-ounce bottles of Olde English 800 malt liquor. The bearded sage ate and drank quickly and asked the men how much he owed them.

When the derelicts refused payment, the man said in a powerful voice, "Well, if you charge me nothing for my dinner and drink, may God bless you and peace be with you." Then then old man walked away, disappearing quickly into the darkness.

Incredibly, although the old man had been seen drinking deeply from one of the 40s, when he left the bottle was full.
  
Since that night's visit by the mysterious stranger, the kindly band of down-on-their-luck drunkards has never been short of malt liquor. 

Because the bottle of Olde English that caressed the lips of the elderly angel magically replenishes itself again and again.   

Reporter's note: Hundreds of parched vagrants now visit the site nightly to drink from the bottomless wellspring of malt liquor.

Source:

Edgar Allan Poe Community College newsroom

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Whitney Houston Enters Rehab In Heaven.

There is an upside to the tragic 2012 death of singer Whitney Houston, I can exclusively report.

A reliable source on the Other Side tells me that the Grammy-winning chanteuse has just decided to enter rehab to recover from her alleged drug and alcohol addictions.

“Whitney has been informed about Bobbi Kristina,” the source told me. “So, in a dramatic shift, she’s decided to abandon the wild lifestyle she continued to flaunt in Heaven.

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“Starting today, Whitney plans to devote herself entirely to music. It's the one thing that makes her happier than a crackhead with a kilo-size pipe.

“Bobbi Kristina is Whitney's wake-up call. She’s going to live life one day at a time for an eternity."

I’ll update this story as the situation warrants.

Abraham Tribesky
95-Year-Old Psychiatrist to Deceased Hollywood Stars
Adjunct Professor: Afterlife Issues EDGAR ALLAN POE COMMUNITY COLLEGE