Some people are psychic--and HATE IT!

 The syndrome, called "psychic self-hate," by paranormal psychologists, refers to the tendency of some psychically-gifted people to deny or disguise their abilities. 

In experiments, some psychic self-haters give so many wrong answers that it simply proves their mind-boggling talent!

In one real-life case, a woman went on a date to a horse race track. She didn't know anything about horses or betting. Yet, when her date prodded her to make bets, she purposely bought tickets for losing horses--even though she wrote down on notepaper which horses would actually win.

In six out of seven cases, she was correct--but she didn't tell her date because she found him attractive--and thought her extraordinary psychic ability would scare him away!

Doc Paranormal

A dire warning for newbie psychics.

 

I’m afraid of amateur psychics. And a lot of them have popped up during the pandemic. In an attempt to learn a well-paying new skill, everyone from unemployed waitresses to out-of-work chicken slaughterers are delving into the Other Side. With catastrophic results for the untrained newbies and society at large.

I can’t tell you how many of their unsuspecting clients have been immeasurably harmed. People have gone insane when put into contact with the wrong deceased relative. In one case, a female client wound up channeling Ted Bundy when her spiritual adviser misspelled her dead father’s name. The séance became a slaughterhouse as the client, acting on Bundy’s orders, thrust a wrought-iron candleholder through the advisor’s skull. Fortunately, no charges were brought against the client. Possessed, she was considered a mere witness to Bundy’s mayhem.

In another case, a lonely male attempting to materialize in a Hollywood starlet’s bedroom took a wrong turn on the astral plane and instead emerged in the padded cell of a notorious sex criminal. Prison guards discovered him comatose the following morning, wearing nothing but a demure bridal veil of Kleenex and yellowed newspaper clippings.

I’m a veteran paranormal investigator warning all psychic newbies to learn before you leap into the Great Unknowable.

Here are thirteen essential tips to get you started. Ignore my advice and the results could be catastrophic on a very personal level. That is, unless you want to summons the wrong spirits and turn your apartment into the infinite cauldron of Hell:

Never ask an angel if you can borrow its wings.

Don’t carry your crystal ball in a bowling bag.

Yes, werewolves do need a dog license.

Don’t play loud EVP noises after 10 p.m.

Sterilize pins before inserting them into voodoo dolls.

Never sit on a Faery’s lap.

Men: Don’t use psychokinesis to unbutton a woman’s shirt.

Women: Don’t slap a man’s face after intuiting his thoughts.

Never ask the Devil if you can touch his tail. He HATES that.

Avoid telling Zeus you like Santa Claus better.

Martians prefer to be call “citizens of the noble planet Mars.”

Mop up excess ectoplasm after a séance.

Cut off your hands to spite bad palm readers. I did. And I haven’t been bothered by one of those foolish idiots since.

Sincerely,

A reader in Canada