Famed mentalist Uri Geller may have fallen on hard times, if what sources tell me is true.
According to unconfirmed reports, Geller, famous for his spoon-bending exploits during the 70s and 80s, is going to be hired by a Moscow steak house to chill diners' forks with the power of his mind.
As a Kremlin-watcher told me, "The chilled fork craze has hit Moscow with a vengeance. Looking to get a leg up on the competition, the exclusive steak house will hire Uri Geller to freeze forks table-side while chatting with a customer base composed of mobsters, oligarchs and corrupt politicians.
"If successful, the program will grow to include the freezing of cutlery."
Dan Lee Hope, Jr.
Conspiracy Theories Curriculum
Edgar Allan Poe Community College