Edgar Allan Poe Community College

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Thursday, August 11, 2016

Weekly Presidential Ghost Tracking Poll #1

   
     Press release
     To: All media


     Why ghosts support Trump 3 to 1 over Clinton.

     The inaugural Weekly Presidential Ghost Tracking Poll (see below) has found that malevolent ghosts favor Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton by an overwhelming 3 to 1 margin.
     Says Dr. Abraham Tribesky,  95-year-old psychiatrist to deceased Hollywood stars and Adjunct Professor of Afterlife Studies at Edgar Allan Poe Community College, "I conducted a seance with the assistance of 5 undergraduate students. Our group held hands around an antique oak table in a candlelit classroom. We asked the ghosts and spirits we contacted to tell us whether they supported Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton for president in 2016.
     "Seconds later, the table began to shake. The classroom turned ice-cold. And the answers came pouring in from the Other Side.
     "We tabulated the results and found that malevolent spirits--known for causing doors to shut unexpectedly and crockery to fall off shelves without reason--preferred Donald Trump by a 3 to 1 margin."
     Added Dr. Tribesky, whose clients include Marilyn Monroe and Sam Kinison, "It should be noted that such ghosts are not a hate group. They are merely unsettled spirits acting out their own angst in an Afterlife vastly different than they believed it would be.
     "That being the case, Hillary Clinton should be deeply concerned. These unhappy spirits can influence how the living vote by whispering in their ears at night or by sending subliminal messages via the astral plane. And they currently favor Donald Trump by an arguably statistically significant 3 to 1 margin.
     "Because of the great respect Americans have for their ancestors, their deceased relatives may be the most influential demographic in the upcoming election.
     "The Clinton camp needs to reach out to the dead. Or risk losing on November 8, 2016."
   

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     *About The Weekly Presidential Ghost Tracking Poll:

     Every Monday, Edgar Allan Poe Community College conducts a seance during which ghosts and spirits from across the political spectrum are asked to state whether they support Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton in 2016.
     Some may think this a frivolous endeavor. But deceased spirits can influence how the living vote by whispering in their ears at night or by sending subliminal messages via the astral plane. 
     Because of the great respect Americans have for their ancestors, their dead relatives may be the most influential demographic in the upcoming election. 
     America's future lies in their cold, dead hands.
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